Water: Good for Butter, Bad for Nails

DIY Glass Water Bottle Favors by Mary Stonecypher [Link]

Spreadable butter and nail fungus are topics usually far and between because frankly, it is uncomfortable to talk about the two in the same sentence. Salty, soft. You want to say yum and yuck at the same time. I breach the subject because the resolve for hardened butter and toenail fungus is excitingly the same: minding the water.

On the subject of butter, for your consideration, is the Butter Bell and the Butter Boat. Both claim that the evaporative properties of water keep butter fresh and spreadable for weeks at a time and I support this claim. So which one is the crock for you and which one is just a crock of...Here is the scoop:

They both hold one stick of butter. The boat holds the stick of butter whole, in all it's rectangular glory, while the bell requires a magnificent mashing of the butter into the bell part. As far as I can tell, it is only a cosmetic difference. Obviously, water does not touch any butter that chooses to ride in the boat. The boat comes in three pieces for this purpose and the bell only two pieces. 

Butter Bell by Lapella Pottery [Link]

In a not-so-scientific study, 2 out of 3 people asked What's that? when the bell was presented, as it was not immediately clear that it in fact held butter and 1 out 3 people attempted to ring it. No one in the study mistook the boat for anything but a butter dish and so there was less embarrassment all around. When all is said and done, I recommend the butter boat purely on the basis that I am selling mine on eBay this week.

On the subject of toenail fungus, I assure you I don't have it. Unfortunately, many people do. Including everyone that was getting a pedicure at the last place I walked into and ran right out of. Fungus is not a Fun Gus. You cannot kill it with expensive cremes, you can only cut it off. Our fingers and toes are extremely sensitive with the overload of nerve-endings there so a pulling-off of a nail or two would be an agony that even I could not begin to write about. Keep your toenails on! Luckily there are smart people employing smart services to help us. For your consideration is butter LONDON : Long Live Nails.

butter LONDON Henley Regatta by Michellealicious [Link]

They do not mention fungus on their website which is probably a rule you learn in Websites For Profit 101. Seems like a good rule to me. I am still paging through Google Adwords for Dummies on the chapter, When You Can't Decide What Size and Shape the Ads Should Be so I have not yet consider the role of fungus on my profits.

Back to butter LONDON. It is a company primarily famous for being the first to bring non-toxic nail products to the US; although, I think they should be famous for their waterless nail service at the airport.

Water acts as a vehicle for spreading infectious diseases and bacteria. So although water is not to blame per se, it might not hurt to avoid it at the nail salon. To help set your sanitation expectations, here is an excerpt from The Truth Behind Nail Salons, an article by Podiatrist Dr. Robert Klein.

5 Signs you’ve entered a BAD nail salon:

1)                Uncleanly facility or old equipment

a.       Debris or nail clippings are on the floor and equipment is rusty.

b.      For proper sanitation of water basin, must sit in bleach for at least 10 minutes.

2)                No sterilizer

a.       If they do use a UV light sanitizer, tools should be exposed to the light for at least 25 minutes. Trick: Check to see if the machine has a timer or is being monitored.

b.      Heat sterilizers are preferred.

c.       Best option: Look for salons that use an autoclave, which is a pressurized sterilizing system (like the ones you see in the dentist’s office).

3)               Dirty tools, water, nail technician isn’t wearing a mask or gloves

a.       The most common way that nail fungus is spread is by using utensils that haven't been properly sterilized. If you’re scared, bring your own.

b.      And if you use disposable items, make sure they come out of a fresh sealed package every time.

c.       If the salon uses blue Barbicide cleaning solution, it should be clear, not cloudy.

4)               You experience pain

a.       A manicure and pedicure should be an enjoyable experience and should never hurt or sting.

5)               They have jets

a.       Salons with spa chairs and jet baths should be avoided.

b.      Why? Salons are supposed to change the filters that recycle water after every use, but it rarely happens. The result? Used water gets circulated through the system.

c.       Instead, look for porcelain or stainless steel basins without a spa chair, or ask the salon to change the filter in front of you.

10 Must-Haves for the Fraternity Alum in Your Life

This is part 2 of Getting the Fraternity Funk Out. Thanks for waiting.

When you picked-up your stuff, you might have noticed gaping holes where your messes used to be. This is where the frat funk culprits rear their ugly heads. If you are thinking something like: Yea, it would be great to have a place to put my glass of water at night instead of on the floor... and a light to read by so I can switch it on and off without getting out of bed... then stop reading this post right here because you are on the right track. You will be waving your freedom flag by sundown.

On the other hand, if you are experiencing fits and spurts in picking-up your stuff, consider comedian George Carlin's punchline: Why is it that other people's stuff is shit and your shit is stuff?! With this new, shit-full perspective, take a look at the list and decide what you already have that will do and what won't. Without much ado, here it is: 

1. lamp 
2. slipcovers for couch and duvet 
3. wire storage baskets 
4. something decorative 
5. rack for hanging stuff 
6. paper management system 
7. hand soap 
8. (2) towel sets 
9. odor remover 
10. stamps

Here is the list again, only this time with much ado:

1.) Let there be lamp light!

Olinda Table Lamp with Night Light - $207 [Link]

Exhibit A: Ambiance. What we are looking for here is beyond what overhead lighting can do alone and that is setting a mood. This is a lamp's job. Why is this important? The right mood will aid and abed your intentions for each space. Example: Bedroom for sleep and relaxation. So decide on the mood or intention of the space and pick your lamp.

Basically, there are four types of lights: Overhead, Spot, Task, and Ambient. (Ambient pictured.) Have at least two types of light in spaces you spend any time in. You get what you pay for with lamps in particular so consider this one of your larger investments. Choose something versatile. The Olinda does double duty with it's clean lines and low/high lighting options.

2.) Get new fabric, fast!

Twill Dropcloth Slipcover - $99 potterybarn.com [Link]

Woven into the fabric of fraternity life is the toleration of fleas and conversely, flea-bitten things. If you cannot replace it, cover it! A quality slipcover is usually a fraction of furniture replacement or reupholster cost. To top it off, many are wash and wear. There is no (good) excuse for a flea-bitten couch to ever see the light of day again.

The main feature of every space should sparkle. The fabric in every shade of this duvet cover from IKEA has a pleasingly rich sheen, one you have to see in-person to appreciate. Consider the light brown if the red-orange is, well, too red-orange. At this price point you can have one duvet cover for every season. (Or every hot date!)


3.) Put piles in baskets.

Pool locker baskets - $59 restorationhardware.com [Link]

Wire storage baskets trump their plastic storage bin counterparts on style and function. While Plastic can hold anything (including its own) behind closed doors, it looks rather silly Out, say on a bedside table holding magazines or in the bathroom filled with toilet paper. Use these singularly for clothing piles on closet shelves (or closet floors, for goodness sake!)

Sadly, wire storage baskets have gotten crazy expensive. If you are lucky enough to find a lot of them off-the-beaten-path, good for you. If not, at least there is a bonus to paying full price: getting exactly what you want and the option to return it if you don't.


4.) It's decor, dude.

Botanical No. 5551 Print by Kari Herer - $100 etsy.com [Link]

Part of what makes a room comfortable are just plain decorative things. Consider the decor of a jail cell and the decor of a hotel room. Even if decor was the only difference, just about everyone would rather stay in the hotel room. Something decorative could be as simple as a throw pillow or two. A painting. A large vase of water holding a tree branch full of leaves, just beginning to turn color. Whatever it is, it must invoke a sense of comfort.

Note: the possibilities, while seemingly endless, are indeed endless at two points in particular 1.) large pornographic posters and 2.) graphic sports paraphernalia. Regardless of your views toward either, both would have a hell of a time putting anyone at ease. At Ease are the operative words here. If you want to rally the troops, fine, just do it outside of your decor.


5.) Rig-a-rack, tho not on door back.

Branch Clothing Rack by Desire to Inspire [Link]

Wall-mounted or stand-alone, any rack will do. Just be sure it is placed far enough from a doorway so you can clear it on your way out. Also, hanging stuff on the back of a door may make it heavy and create a banging upon entering or exiting, which is undesirable.

(I am out of steam for sourcing pictures for the next items on the list. Maybe it is because each picture is worth a thousand words? If you have an excellent picture to illustrate the following points, please share!)

6.) Every paper has a trail.
Paper In, Paper Out. Every successful paper managment system involves a recycle bin.

7.) Remember the soap.
Everyone uses this all the time and if they don't, they should. Buy a nice one (i.e. one in a pump that costs more than $1.)

8.) Air-drying is out.
Towels are one of those things that take living, to luxury. Get one for you and one for joie de vivre.

9.) Face the stink.
Invariably, odors arise (to the face). Try removing (or moving!) before you attempt to mask them, please. Try pure ayre, which magically removes odor with a super secret food-based ingredient. Non-toxic too, which is always a bonus.

10.) Thank your lucky stars.
You probably have people to thank. (Even if it was just for helping you up off the bathroom floor that one night.) You can get places in life only by the help of a great many people. So have a roll of stamps on hand. When gratitude strikes you, you can strike back with a thank you note.

Finding Delight in a Jar of Fireflies and Losing It

Barreling through cornfields with a mason jar, in pursuit fireflies and sheer delight, seems the kind of abandon only mildly acceptable during a boom time. People are wary about any kind of barreling during a recession. And a stranger in a cornfield? Sounds like a terrorist to me. Certainly the act of writing glowing messages with their butts (the fireflies', not the terrorists') would be out of the question. Does this mean we are relegated to toiling away at lesser projects that yield nary a glowing end? No. The clouds may be rolling-in, in more ways than one, but we can still have a late summer night delight!

'Lartigue' by Alex Lubomirski for Vogue Germany 2009 [Link]

To make your very own faux fabulous fireflies in a jar, you will need:

• Beverage jar, spout removed
• String of lights
• Lovely outfit

Notice a beverage jar (as opposed to a mason jar) provides a (1.) spout hole to thread the lights/fireflies through so you don't need to do any drilling. This hole is big enough for the lights to get in but probably not the plug part. I am ok with this. The hole will be in the back when you are finished anyway so no one will see what is or is not coming out of it. A mason jar could be used if little fingers and toes are not peeing their pants to help with the drilling that would be required.

On the subject of drilling, if you are bringing the drill out anyway, holes in the lid would be an especially authentic touch and fire smart, too.

(2.) Affix part of the light string on the inside of the jar to the inside of the lid as to invoke the fireflies flight. Prudence says to use electrical tape for affixing anything electrical. I used a bit of Quake Hold, hello, it is the WD-40 of the sticky world.

(3.) Plug it in to a timer if you would like it to manage itself.

Vintage Lemonade Jar [Link]

This is the beverage jar I used. It was such a down-to-earth, fun-loving lemonade jar, other lemons were jockeying for position to get in even at the time of this picture. Unfortunately there are no more pictures. Between delighting in my new creation and taking a picture, it broke. I broke it. Involuntarily.

When pulled-in for questioning, Quake Hold, which quaked more than held under pressure, used it's packaging as evidence, reiterating that it's purpose is to prevent things from falling when used, not to fix things once they have fallen. Superglue declined to comment. Little fingers and toes peed their pants once more to help solve the case but authorities interceded. Case closed. Well, almost.

Note this twist of lemon: In an effort to find a picture to post for this post, I googled "fireflies in a beverage jar" and without having to mouse until carpal tunnel, my exact jar popped-up. I clicked feverishly at the links on the shopping website that led me to believe the jar could be purchased at Chasing-Fireflies.com. How uncanny! For $53. How expensive! I paid only $5. Still full of anticipation, I chased the Chasing-Fireflies link only to find a message, in place of where purchase information for the jar should be, saying it was no longer available and that they would love to help me find something just as special. I am sure they would.

Strangely, losing my jar of fireflies has coincided with a complete loss of my marbles. Guess you could say my fireflies are now out of the jar. 

Loving the Van You Are In

Jeremy Clarkson, the host of Top Gear, said something like The Prius is the car for people who hate cars. If this is the case, then Vans are for people that really really hate cars. Booyea roars the crowd. Boohoo blubbers the esteemed van owner.

Van Owner, we understand the circumstances by which you have selected a van for all your tours de vie. This post is for you. With a bullet.

Two words: Attitude Adjustment. Toyota has the what whaat on this front. If this music video doesn't move you to flash WeSide (i.e. we're on your side) to your van-padres on the road, then nothing will.

Honda is advertising their van by taking a more tranquil approach; they accomplished this by mashing the aforeitalicized words together to form Vanquility, an entirely new state of being. Similar to Zen, to belabor and labor and labor the point.

Word Hippo suggests words you might be looking for instead of the word van and they are forefront, front, lead, head, vanguard, pole position, cutting edge. Let's side with Word Hippo. (The dino-thesaurus is just so Jurassic.)

Ask not what your van can do for you, but what you can do for your van. Consider bumper/ window stickers to help your van reflect more of who you are. Right down to your height and your er...width, if you desire. Wait. Ix-nay on the idth-way, they are all stick people. Admittedly, family stick people decals are getting a shocking amount of window play out there so if you are shooting for something more edgy, take an actual photo and paste it up.

Baby on Board Surf Decal by Slaps 

Which brings us to new takes on old goodies. A play on anything is usually funny. When creating your own bumper sticker, consider Simple + Non-offensive = Cute.

(For all the formulas you need to know, read The Spectacle.)

Honda Odyssey Racing by JeffAhn

If words don't cut the residue of van ownership, consider racing. Or even a simple racing stripe. The philosophy here is If you can't beat it, try to beat it.

As luck would have it, there was a Top Gear episode featuring a few old vans. Tests included a drag race, how long it took to load and unload various items, tailgating, replacing the driver's doors, length of time for a burglar to unlock the rear doors, and outrunning a police patrol car on their test track. If there is an opportunity to get your groove back, Van Owner, it is surely placing in any of these competencies.

Getting the Fraternity Funk Out

Phi Kappa Psi fraternity house, 1890s by Wystan

Getting the frat funk out is largely a shift in attitude about how to live. It is probably the same shift in attitude that moved your fraternity guy (or you!) to alumni status in the first place. Just apply those new mores to the flee-bitten couch and voila! you are on your way to frat funk freedom.

When priorities change, so should the state of ones living space. To illustrate, stubing your toe on car parts at the base of your bed in the middle of the night on the way to the communal toilet does not matter so much when you and most of your association are drunk, as would mistaking one of your fraternity brother's room for the communal toilet. In fact, these items would probably increase your social status. As would killing your superior monkey if you lived in a zoo. Ok, you get it.

Note: Concerned that planning the post-frat space will make it appear less manly? Touché monsieur! These tips will assure any visitor that a human man lives there indeed. If the idea still chews at you, here is a solution: throw in something decidedly manly, like houndstooth or a moose head.

Now, how to access what the frat alum in your life (or you!) needs: Simply look where everything lands, group like things together, and then find solutions for each pile. Everything has a place and everything in it's place. Easy right? Give it a try and check back next week for part two of this post, 10 Must-Haves for the Fraternity Alum in Your Life.

How to Accessorize: A Formula for Success

Fashion / Black & White / Portrait by CubaGallery

Miss America once let us in on a little secret. It was a numbering system to determine what and how many accessories you could wear at one time without overdoing it. (Brilliant, right!?) A necklace counted as two. Each earring counted as one, as long as it was a stud, otherwise each was counted as two. A bracelet on the wrist counted as three but on the ankle (anklet) it counted as five...The max number for an entire ensemble alludes me now. The point is: Miss America, with her numbering system, was trying to make clear for the rest of us what works every time in accessorizing. She conceded to the masses of closely tuned-in tweens with rings on fingers and toes that it really is hard to get it right. (Our heads cock to the right.) That she uses a formula. (We lean forward and begin salavating.) That she would let us in on it if we would give her the crown. So what did we do? We gave her the crown!

There is a fine line between Trendy and Contrived, Effortless and Sloppy, Georgous and Gaudy. How can we know we are making the right choices in accessorizing our lives? Here is how:

(And I ask for nothing except that you continuing reading my blog posts.)

1. Follow the rules. And then break one. 
There are rules but we have seen countless examples where you can break all the rules and that is a hit too. You just have to know your place. You are probably not famous in Fashion or Design so heade the rules like the freshmen that you are and then go Teretts on just one thing. One thing. This is where Overboard lives. Consider yourself warned.

2. Love it or loose it.
Be honest with yourself. You have heard this before but how?

a. ) Set-Up
For clothing: get a full length mirror and bright light and put it on.  For housewares: take a picture of the item in question in the place it is intended. Ex. Bed in the bedroom. For some reason, editing is most effective when done by picture--another post altogether.

b.) Identify
Ask yourself: Do I love this? If you are not in the mood to make major cuts to your wardrobe/ household you can start with Do I like this? Answer No: Immediately place the item in a box marked Toss, Store, or Sell. If the item cannot fit in a box, move it away or at least make arrangements for it to move out of your immediate life. Answer On The Fence: Write it down and move on to the next item. Answer Yes: Excellent. Move on.

c.) Vet (It really is a process!)
Chances are you have a bunch of stuff that you are On The Fence about for one reason or another. Ask yourself Why? Answers that would move an item from On the Fence to Yes include: "I can wear this to x event this year." Or "If I bought x, I could wear this almost everyday." These are the only possible answers I could come up with that justify something retaining it's position despite your initial doubt.

Answers with But in them: As a general rule, ignore everything you said before the But because it is what is after that you really mean.

It may be helpful to include a trustful friend at this stage, to talk you down from stage fright and encourage your performance. Whatever choices you make at this stage, be deliberate and wear it with pride. This is where Grace lives.

Other clichés that are encouraging: If you can't hide it, feature it. Let lemons be lemons.

d.) Go shopping
It is the patriotic thing to do. And well, you probably garnered a few extra bucks from your sales. Never mind, you have some sharp new skills to wield in public. Try listening to the Sex And The City Soundtrack at this stage to get you in the mood.

3. Remind yourself what is at stake.
This could have been subcategory d.) to the point above but I have given unto it a lone category because THIS will single-handedly keep you on-course, riding the fine line between right and wrong, fancy-free. (Oh fancy me!)

Ironically, how you look is not the most important thing at stake but rather a consequence of the choices that you make. What is at stake for you could be not loving much of what you have (and then what's the point?) Or $300 per month storage unit expense that you could use on vacation. What is at stake if you don't give your stuff a one-over is the You that you want. You are who and what you are around so don't forget the What.

What is right in accessorizing our lives changes with the seasons and your stage in life. Consider any change in your life an opportunity to check what is working for you and what is not. Always make an effort to make more room in your life for what is right.

Eat your heart out Miss America.