I have a thing for walk-in closets. Here is a survey
of my last 5 closets plus my current one.
Exhibit A: My current closet. Frankly, it is an architectural mistake. The
master suite is simply too small to host a closet so large (but thank you.) I
am in the process of creating a sitting space in the closet so I can wind down
after a long day and survey my clothing supply of sequins and fluffy stuff.
Exhibit B: My closet on Union Street. This closet was a union between my
living space and bathroom. Talk about an un-utilized guest receiving space.
This closet was the subject of much drama involving a basic water leak. There
was incredible heat in that closet due to a hot water pipe running up one
corner. This is probably the thing in my life I have most underestimated. The
whole time I lived there I was blushed from the heat when passing from the
closet into that bathroom. I never had to apply make-up blush. Don't get me
wrong, walking around, looking like you are in heat has its benefits, it’s just
that you can't escape sending your lovers off looking like they're in
heat.
Exhibit C: Closet-with-a-view. The building manager that was showing
apartments at the time so cheekily commented on the sliver of ocean that we
could see through the closet window--as in I might have a chance at a full waterfront
view "someday". I had the instantaneous thought that she could very
well go and suck it. At the time I was dating my future husband who lived in
full-view of that very water. All I have to say is that people fight in front
of a full water view as much as they fight in front of a water-sliver view and
so basically, a water view is over-rated. Cheekily, I negotiated a discount
because the building manager that was showing apartments at the time was not
renting as many as her job required her to. Surprise.
Exhibit D: This
was the hobbit of closets, featuring a lovely asymmetrical arch and a row of
hooks down one side. I seem to remember the woodwork painted a chocolate brown
and the walls painted an army green and a lesbian who really was as friendly as
could be. In the words of Tina Fey, because I know you might be thinking along
these lines, gay people don't actually try to convert people, that is Jehovah's
Witnesses you are thinking of.
Exhibit E: An entire room closet (in San Francisco). I have always thought such
closets were criminal since we listed our place for sale as a two bedroom. Here
is where the real estate agents and my neighbors' enthusiasm matched. Families
of 4 showed-up for the open house, piling out of their vans with a spring in
their step and a shine on their teeth--this viewing amounting to one of their
last ditch efforts to stay in the city--only to return to their van-cars
minutes later, a brooding and homely bunch. My neighbors remained, on their
stoops, beers in hand, watching the show. See, in San Francisco you don't
publicize your square footage because it has to do with liability and you
openly watch people from the safety of your stoop.
We ended up selling our place before the market crashed to one guy's
parents. And the one guy wanted the built-in closet that was the 2nd bedroom
ripped out pronto. So what did we do? Gripe, rip the closet out, and sell the
pieces on Craigslist, pronto.
Exhibit F: A mini-room closet in Ballard. I am not sure what the story was
here but my closet in this house was carpeted and my room was not. There was a
mini window that opened (charming!) and room to keep my ironing board out all
the time. This was the first time I considered moving my bed into the closet to
make a living room out of my actual bedroom--which would be a reoccurring idea
for my next 5 closets in the future. And now we are in the future.
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